Top 5 Tips for Close quarter coping in the time of COVID-19
If you’ve found yourself thinking, “I need to get away,” or “mama, auntie, ya girl needs a solo-cation,” in the last 30+ days, you are not alone. In fact, as I type this, my 17 month old is whining while attempting to climb up on my lap and I’m having a pregnancy hot flash (haaalllpp).
Don’t get it twisted, I enjoy my baby girl and have honestly been grateful to have in-person conversation with an adult on the days when my husband gets to work from home. And yet, between flashes, tantrums, round ligament pain and the itch to explore, I have to come up with ways to stay sane and afloat.
Before I jump in, I have to list a few caveats so you know where I’m coming from on this one:
At the time of this writing, I am 22 weeks pregnant with a 17 month-old teething toddler.
I currently live in a remote part of NC, in a neighborhood with a park that I can’t use but in a house with a backyard.
I’m an introvert who LOVES to travel and explore and appreciates social engagement.
OK, now that you know a little more about me, here are my top 5 tips for close quarter coping in the time of COVID-19.
Practice breathing exercises
It seems simple and asinine but it is literally a life saver and an excellent way to minimize stress levels. One of my favorite mindfulness apps is Calm (click here for website). It’s chock full of features including meditation guides, sleep stories, and even mindful music. There’s also content for kids and if you want to take some time to “level up”, listen to some of their Masterclasses. The app also includes a nifty set of videos for stretching throughout the day. “But what if my child(ren) are being difficult and making it impossible to breathe?” Establish a specific time of day when they’re either asleep, playing in their room, doing schoolwork or eating a snack when you can steal away. Better yet, just stop what you’re doing right now, go to the restroom, lock the door behind you and give yourself time to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash
Create a sanctuary
Your sanctuary could be your restroom, bedroom, guest room, garage, etc. Whatever it is, commit to using it when you need a break. In our house, we have two key sanctuaries. In addition to the backyard that I can walk out into for fresh air, we also have a space that I like to call “The Nest”. It’s a kids-free loft area that I decorated with the sole intent of “escaping.” We have pillows, musical instruments, incense sticks and distance. It’s inspired by all our Middle East - North Africa (MENA) adventures and almost like an adult treehouse, but indoors and weather proof. And if your partner and or kids are getting on your nerves but you need to be in that shared community space of your house, invite them to check in to their sanctuary. Right now, my toddler is in her crib. Between teething, nap-time and being overwhelmed with all that’s going on around her, she and I need a break. So she’s in her sanctuary releasing some stress.
Establish routines and honor boundaries
While I’m grateful to have my husband at home on his telework days, I do know that he’s working and it’s not his day off. I’m also “working” and have an established routine to provide structure for our daughter and productivity for myself. My goal is to keep Lavender engaged with simple lessons, outdoor time, a morning walk, and reading time.
But I also want to prioritize my writing and reader engagement. So I’m refining my morning and evening routines, I apply the pomodoro method to my work sessions and take advantage of my daughter’s naps. My schedule has been cattywampus since we returned to the U.S. but Chris and I do what we can to respect each others’ work boundaries when we’re at home together. “But, what if my partner just doesn’t get it or is demanding and won’t respect my boundaries?” Here are two suggestions:
Put out something to indicate that you’re busy and can’t talk at the moment. It could be: a large stuffed animal, a piece of paper with the words, “working right now,” a traffic cone, an hourglass or kitchen cooking timer, or some other oddity that might catch their attention so you don’t have to keep reminding them that you’re busy at work.
Put in earplugs or headphones. Noise canceling ones work wonders, but a simple set of ear plugs or headphones should do the trick too.
Run away
No, just kidding. I know you want to so here’s an idea. If you live in a community where you’re able to leave your building or home, take solo walks. Announce, “It’s walk o’clock!” and then take advantage of that time to yourself. If you have kids, agree to take turns with your partner so that you can walk while the other is watching the kids. And if you’re a single parent and your children are old enough to play indoors unaccompanied, take a walk around the block or even in the back yard/driveway/to the end of the block and back.
If you can exercise in your backyard, garage, driveway or go for a run in your neighborhood and have one of those fitness masks and can maintain 6-feet of distance, that’s worth considering too.
Another option, and this is ONLY IF YOU NEED TO, not just for the sake of leaving (remember, this is a pandemic), volunteer as tribute for a solo grocery or gas trip. I hate grocery shopping, but if I notice we’re low on several items, I will make an exception.
Communicate your needs with compassion
I’d like to point out that this is very difficult and feels impossible when tempers are flaring, stress is running over, and you (and your family) are about ready to explode. I would recommend doing this early in the game, but none of us anticipated such a long shelter-in-place period, let alone a pandemic. So what to do?
Now, you don’t want to be like the anarchists who are assembling in groups and spewing spit, raising hell and hypertension levels as they shout in protest, thereby increasing their risk of infection and disease spread. Don’t be like that.
Figure out a code word, non-violent body movement (as in don’t punch the wall or kick the cat) or even a specific song to play when you’re feeling triggered and losing your cool. That could let your partner and family know that you need some space or need to share something but can’t talk in that moment. And once you’ve cooled down, revisit that specific issue with a level head.
For example: The house is in disarray, and you’ve told your children to clean up their mess 5 times already and or asked your partner to load the dishwasher or order take out. But these mamajamas won’t listen. Now, if you shout, you’ll get your point across, let off some steam and convey the level of “cant’s” that you’ve run out of. And let’s be real, you’ll feel good letting off some steam.
But, the mood will be sour, the tension heavier and thicker, and what’s already an incubator of frustration has now fermented into resentment and sulking. While I know we’re all mentally planning our separate vacations at this point, you still have to share space in close quarters.
So figure out that song, code word or movement, make sure everyone in your household knows what it is, and put it into practice the next time you want to cuss someone out. Shoot, you might just come up with a catchy (Tik Tok) routine or turn this into an entertainment side hustle.
BONUS: Have a Happy Hour
No, the pregnant woman is not suggesting you get plastered, though Lord knows I’m looking forward to a hearty glass of my Spanish wine in T-minus 4 months! Figure out a time of day when you and your housemates/family/partner can come together and enjoy each other’s company.
You can schedule a weekly game night, watch a movie together, have a dance off or jam session, do something creative, cook a meal, video chat with relatives in other locations.
Photo by Valeria Zoncoll on Unsplash
If you’re a couple, give each other massages, make a special meal or run your partner’s bath and then watch the kids while he or she soaks into oblivion with a glass of champagne and escape tunes or Netflix in the background. Now, this last sentence may or may not result in a “quarantine” baby, but I take no responsibility for the outcomes.
I’m just trying to keep you healthy, happy and alive so make love and not war.
Ok, so what are you all doing to stay afloat and combat cabin fever? What’s working and what on this list are you going to try? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear what you have in mind.