As I write this, my protruding belly visibly houses my developing baby. I am 21 weeks pregnant today. I’m at the halfway point with an August due date. I found out we were expecting our second child two days before Christmas 2019. We were in the middle of a grand transition, just 2 weeks shy of moving from Spain back to the U.S.

This pregnancy has felt different from the beginning and I believe it’s because we’ve been in such a transition that I haven’t always made time to sit with the reality of being with child. And when I do, I remind myself that I have a 17month old toddler that requires most of my attention. This busy, brilliant and sweet toddler also provides a bit of welcomed diversion from the angst that surrounds pregnancy during a pandemic.

I’ve kept it under wraps for a long time. At first, I thought “I’m too busy to tell family and post it on social media.” Then I would see celebrities posting their announcements at 5 and 6 months and I figured, “I’m going to go that route and wait until our 10 year anniversary to make the big public announcement.” Now, I wonder if God was telling me to “Be Still” for other reasons.

While being pregnant is a joyful experience for me and I’m grateful a new baby is on the way, I can say that I’m also glad that I have protected this knowledge and guarded this pregnancy. Some may call me selfish, but I’m glad that I didn’t rush to publicize this.

Yes, a lot of family knows and a lot more found out right before I posted this announcement. Sure, I can’t 100% prevent others from sharing, even if we ask them not to. Folks are folks and unless you have them sign an NDA, some will treat your personal business (about your body, health and life) like it’s their own, and it’s good news in the time of madness, so who doesn’t want to share that? Yes, being pregnant and having a new baby is great news and welcomed in this wretched time. And yet, I’m still on the fence.

Mainly because I don’t want to be dealing with or blocking other people's angst about my babies (not having twins, Lavi is still my baby). I already have to think about that myself and really don’t want to have to deal with anyone else’s worries and fears projected onto me.

I’ve heard the stories of new moms not being allowed visitors and cases where fathers weren’t able to bear witness to the birth of their baby. When we had Lavender, we were SOOOOO tired. I was SOOOOOOOO out of it and beyond thankful for Chris’s presence. Yes, we had a solid medical team to check in on us and do the round-the-clock tests and what not, but no one compares to my husband. And I know he appreciated those first few days of getting to know his baby girl.

Then there’s the joy of visitors. We chose not to have hospital visitors with Lavi. I was concerned that I would be too tired and hormonal to entertain thoughtful, kind guests. I didn’t want anyone to go out their way to bring us anything or sit with us, only for me to be half conscious or yearning for privacy when I needed to nurse or go to the restroom. But many couples appreciate a visit for grandparents, family and close friends. They celebrate it. And for most if not all couples, that experience won’t happen. Family members in other states can’t fly out and family members in the same city can’t visit. I wouldn’t mind visitors this go round, but that’s still to be determined.

Then there’s the reality that newborns have little to no immune systems.

When Lavender was 1 week old, my grandmother and mom flew out to Spain to spend a week with us. They were so awesome and their visit coincided with Thanksgiving, so even better (we talking ‘bout that good ole Southern eatin’). Well, unfortunately, they caught a nasty bug during their travels. By day 4 of their visit, they were so sick, they had to go to the hospital ER. We were all in close quarters, all tired and sharing spaces. There was no way we’d avoid getting sick.

The worst part, and I get super emotion as I say this, is that my baby got SO sick. One morning after they were already back in the U.S., I went to check on her and she was so lethargic and looked clammy and out of it. I breastfed her and knew the value of those nutrients, but she wasn’t eating. She didn’t have an appetite and at 2 weeks, barely had an immune system. She was sick and it was her first cold. And the scary part is that it was one of the nasties colds I had witnessed as it wreaked havoc on my mom and grandmother. So imagine my fears when I had to take my baby to the ER.

They ran tests, took temps and monitored her and thankfully my husband was able to come and be with us since he was at work at the time. The ER doc was so damn rude, as if I didn’t know something was wrong with my child and WANTED to be in the ER with a sick newborn. Who makes this up? (jerk). And, while there are amazing doctors and nurses, no one wants to have to deal with that one condescending clinician who tries to dismiss your concerns.

While I don’t know what my mom, granny, daughter and eventually I caught. I do know that I wouldn’t want my newborn child with a barely existent immune system to be exposed to the madness that is COVID-19. Sure, breastmilk works wonders and is liquid gold, but a sick baby is a sick baby and no one is trying to live through the fear of taking your infant to an already overwhelmed hospital system to be treated for this.

But, all that aside, we’re in for a new adventure. We’re grateful that Lavender will have a little sibling close in age. I’m thankful that we’re in the U.S. and close to family and friends when the time comes for future visits or hosting. We have access to healthcare and I can still go for walks. While I never planned to have a baby shower with this one, I’m hoping all will be better and well in time for a baby-moon this summer. And if not that, a grand 2nd Birthday and Sip ‘n See in November.

Ultimately, I thank God for a healthy and steady pregnancy and something hopeful to cling to in the time of a pandemic.

Pregnancy in the time of Corona