"Do something everyday that scares you"

“I’m an artist and I’m sensitive about my [stuff].” E.Badu

This is not an easy thing for me to do, to step out from under the comfort of my rock, to open the vault of my thoughts and share them with friends and perfect strangers. I have “launched” this website so many times and for someone who adores words, writing and connecting with others, I have to say this is going to provide another lesson in putting myself out there. I am not an open book. Yes I have a Facebook profile with over 1000 “friends” but these days I’m withdrawing or rebelling against it. It seems so intrusive and I have to laugh because no one forced me to sign up, amass 1000 friends or remain in the network (insert shrug emoji). 

Some people who meet me might say that I’m reserved, quiet or that I hold back.  I had a massage therapist once say to me, in Spanish, that I don't share much and that I need to. She said my body is tense in part due to my reluctance to say what I really feel. I said I don’t want to offend or piss people off. She said I need to get it off my chest. “Better a red face in anger than a blue face in death” - Spanish Proverb 

Of course there are others who might think I'm a social butterfly and are surprised that I'm more of an introvert. I do like connecting with folks, but I need my quiet time and my hobbit hideaways to refresh before I resurface and face the world again.

If you really get to know me, if I choose to let you know me, you may join the chorus of those who call me deep. They say, still waters run deep, I say don’t trouble the waters. I don’t share much about myself or give wind to my coming and going and while I find writing to be one of the most profound outlets and best means of expression, I even keep secrets from myself. You can feel free to psychoanalyze it all but suffice it to say, arriving at this public writing space has been a long time in coming (shout out to my Mom, Dad and cousin Jaye for ample encouragement). 

I don’t know where this little leap of faith will take me or even you dear Reader, but ships were never meant to stay in port and neither are we, so now is as good a time as ever to set sail!

Now that that’s off my chest, I’ll tell you why I chose to put myself out there and step out of my comfort zone and shadows. I asked myself this a lot, and I know I’ll continue to ask this as I share and post and cultivate newfound transparency.  

So in a world where everyone is already talking, vlogging or tweeting or podcasting, why am I chipping in?  I ask myself, “What good is my voice when so many got here before me?” especially since I don’t hold a note like Mahalia Jackson or Marian Anderson and can’t guarantee my thoughts will cut through the chorus.   The answer to this question is in a card. I have a little quotable greeting card that says, “Do something everyday that scares you.”  I have another that says, “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?”  I have many more quotes and inspirational sayings but these are the two that help me answer the question for why I chose to create this site. Oh, in fact here’s another one that stares at me from my vision board as I type this, “Action cures fear”, and that’s true for me.

I have so many fascinating, exciting, and interesting stories to share from travels to lessons learned in the midst of struggles to reflections on the miraculous wonders of this life.  And to be perfectly honest, it’s all getting so heavy to carry around in my figurative turtle shell. It’s not a burden, it’s just like an overstuffed bag of gifts or even like a tree whose fruit is ripened and if she doesn’t get the gifts or the fruit to folks, they may turn into kindle for fire or rotten produce for fruit flies. Nobody wants to walk around carrying other people’s belongings or trying to figure out how to dispose of rotten fruit or worse, fight fruit flies. So, as pretentious as this may sound, consider these words and ideas my gift to you and may they provide useful and or nourishing like that gift that came at the right time or that piece of fruit that fed you when you were hungry. 

Final thoughts…

Because of how reserved, quiet, “deep” and pensive I am, I chose this space to help me draw closer to my 2018 and one of my many life goals of becoming "Bold and Free". Nothing really rhymes with Acasia (A-kay-see-yah) and it's high time I live out my desire to be bold and free. I need it and you need more of it because the world is overcast with a heavy smog and will continue that way until more people can learn (and give themselves permission) to live and breathe and be their full selves. I pray that for you as well as for me.