The One - Oh! with the One I Love
Cheers to 10 years…of marriage
Photo credit: Lendel Marshall
Do you know what today is?….”it’s our anniversary, yeah, anniversary.”
We’ve hit the double digits. Baby we made it and by the grace of God.
I was listening to a sermon this past week where the pastor, keeping it real, mocked people who say, “we’ve been happily married for 50 years,” and he basically said that’s a lie because, “I’m 60+ years old and even I haven’t been happy with or content with myself, so why would I suggest that we’ve been happy all x,y,z number of years? Instead, you need to say, “we made it, and only by God’s grace,” because that’s probably more accurate.”
I’d like to be honest and say that while we’ve been happy and enjoyed this incredible, 10 year, journey, it hasn’t been easy. If, by virtue of social media fabulosity, and omission of the struggle you’ve gotten the impression that we’re a “perfect” couple, go right ahead and stop. It’s not true so let me enter this new decade and beyond by clearing that up. This hasn’t always been easy, but “smooth seas do not a skilled sailor make,” and you know I love a good adventure!
We’re a couple that loves, respects and honors each other and that has come with time, patience and the power of The Almighty to remind us to cast aside selfishness and to listen first before speaking. AND to listen to each other and God while keeping others out our business (message!).
We still struggle. I’m still a handful, we still don’t see eye to eye. And Chris still loves me as Christ loves The Church, His Bride. And I still love him and marvel at the Hand of God in our lives because we’re on His purpose and made in Him.
Several years back, one of my girlfriends lovingly challenged me for not speaking more about my marriage or inviting questions about marital ups and downs. She even reminded me that I was approaching 10 years of marriage and barely talked or shared much. Let me just say that I feel where she’s coming from.
As a new mom, I wanted to know all the ins and outs and “what to expect” before I had a child. But I also have come to the conclusion that everyone’s journey is their own and that no matter how much advice I receive or give or read, I can’t necessarily “prepare you” for what’s to come because we’re all going to have different experiences.
Maybe that’s myopic, but I once heard some incredible advice in my teens that I still hold on to, “my key fits in my door, your key fits your door and there’s no sense in trying to use one for the other.”
“What works for our marriage may just work for our marriage AND I can’t compare my chapter 1, or 10 to someone else’s chapter 5 or 20. ”
So, that, combined with the fact that I’m relatively private and guarded and selective re: my personal matters means that I’m not an open book with all chapters. And maybe that will change. I know that if asked specific questions I’ll give better and more thoughtful answers.
HOWEVER
I didn’t forget her sentiments and I’ve decided to share a few nuggets of wisdom for this anniversary post. I initially wanted to share my lessons learned and what I hope for the next 10 years.
But that would be one sided, and we’re a couple. So I’ll leave that for another post in collaboration with my husband.
I also wanted to pull all sorts of pictures and anecdotes, but 10 years really is a long time and I honestly don’t know where some of my pictures from years 1-5 are. Plus, anyone who has done a milestone anniversary, birthday or retirement celebration for friends knows that takes a long time. We just discovered our guestbook and old wedding greeting cards stored in a shipping box (Jesus help us Tidy Up!).
Sure, I knew we were having our 10 year anniversary this year. But I didn’t know it would be in the midst of a pandemic, pregnancy and cicada uprising. So there’s that.
Instead, I have something even more profound. At my bridal party, my mom asked all the guests to fill out a card and offer advice or well wishes for Chris and me as we embarked on this journey.
These cards have been safeguarded in my security box and have traveled across the world with me. On occasion, I’ve taken them out and flipped through them. And they’ve been more valuable than silver and gold, like honey to my soul at times.
I’d like to share them here. So, without further ado, I leave you with…
OUR TOP 10 (plus) RELATIONSHIP TIPS (courtesy of my Bridal Shower guests 2010)
KK,
Sweetie. I wish you all the very best!! Always remember to keep God first and you will be just fine. You and Chris are one and don’t let anyone or anything come between that. Even when the times may get tough, come together and pray and seek God for the answer. And delight in the Holy Spirit for all the great times. - M.K.
“People on the outside can never truly understand what goes on between 2 people in their relationship. Allow God to stay the focus and center of your marriage. ”
Live, Love & Laugh
Always put God first!
Enjoy each other!
What goes on in your house, stays in your house!
-C.B.
“Celebrate your blessings daily ”
Remember there are 3 people in your marriage. Love, respect and communicate with all three: self, Chris, and God - Unknown
Your great grandmother always tells newlyweds: “someone has to bend like a palm tree in a storm. When the storm is over, the palm tree will always stand as beautiful as ever” - A.R.
“Cherish the small moments!”
“Don’t start something that you don’t intend to continue forever.”
Respect each other’s differences. - Unknown
Love God and love each other. As long as you keep you friendship, your love will last forever. - Unknown
And finally, what I tend to share with friends getting married.
Forgiveness, patience and communication are key. You will need to forgive your partner and yourself. Be patient with your partner and yourself, and communicate with your partner, yourself and The Almighty every step of the way.
Before marriage, write out all your expectations of each other separately (roles, traditions, desires, etc.) share them with one another and either agree on the things that you both can commit to or rip them up and do away with expectations - they are vexations to the spirit.
So that’s it. At some point I would love to do a collabo with Chris so we can share both our insights and highlights from the last 10 years. And until then, let’s keep the advice reel going. Share some helpful tips that you received from people about relationships and love (self love, familial love, eros love, etc.) in the comments below.
