My husband and I were in a familiar setting. We had been coming to this clinic for almost a year to understand my options for removing my uterine fibroids. I had developed two more since leaving Bahrain where three different hospitals found two fibroids. So I had a total of four fibroids and I was confused and concerned to say the least. Where were these things coming from? My first encounter at the OBGYN clinic involved a conversation about surgery, an option she wanted to avoid for fear of damaging my uterus and further complicating future attempts at conceiving. I didn’t really care about risks as long as the reward was a fibroid free uterus. While many women have fibroids, and most of these women don’t know it (source), a percentage of us know that we do because they wreak havoc.

From heavy bleeding and anemia to extremely painful periods, infertility and other problems, fibroids, also referred to as myomas, leiomyomas, or fibromas, are benign (noncancerous) uterine tumors. But mine were anything but benign. By the time we arrived in Spain, I had been enduring two years of pain, 3 days a month. Up until that point, I could honestly say that I could recall two, TWO pain-free periods, since January 2015 (shout out to Turmeric tea, it helps with inflammation - now treat yo'self here). After we moved to Spain, the reign of uterine terror returned. I made a beee line to the OBGYN clinic and radiology to get a new ultrasound and talk to someone about a treatment plan because as far as I was concerned, not only did my fibroids cause monthly misery, they also caused my miscarriage. Many providers will tell you that fibroids don’t cause problems BUT in my case they did.

Then, in steps a powerful testimony.

One of my girlfriends told me about a mutual colleague and sister in Christ who endured a fibroid that occupied roughly 75% of her uterus. But get this, she not only lived through it, she had two successful pregnancies. I called her and we talked. Until that point, I had never known of another young person who battled fibroids and successfully conceived, especially with that large of a fibroid. Her story gave me hope. When the doctors said she wouldn’t carry to full term and suggested she prepare for the worst, Mercy said no and the miracle of life prevailed! I knew God could work a miracle in my life, both in getting rid of the fibroids and allowing my husband and I to have a healthy and successful pregnancy.

But one year later, after being put on medication to support my sluggish thyroid and regulate my hormone levels, I was still in pain, still bleeding heavy and still not pregnant. While my priority was to be pain free, I did not entertain the option of going back on birth control nor having a hysterectomy. I felt they were two sides of the same solution-weak coins. You can put me on birth control to regulate my hormones, but I still want children and the fibroids aren’t going anywhere. You can give me a hysterectomy, but I still want children and the fibroids win. So, there we were, my husband and I, sitting in the clinic waiting room to see our doctor and talk about surgery options. My amazing and supportive husband accompanied me to most appointments, not only to listen but also to understand what I was dealing with and his role in my care plan (shout out to the World's GREATEST Husband).

During the first appointment, we revisited the idea of surgery, which was met with the same level of concern and resistance as the year before. My doctor wanted to proceed with the least invasive option and I just wanted someone to get in there and get the job done, by any means necessary. She recommended clomid, a fertility treatment that doctors often prescribe to women patients trying to conceive. I was slightly perturbed because while I wanted to get pregnant, I didn’t see how getting pregnant would get rid of my fibroids. But, based on her wisdom and logic, if I got pregnant, not only would I stop bleeding every month, I would also not be in pain and would have the baby, minimizing post-surgery risks and future fertility hurdles. I talked with both my friend who is a Certified Nurse Midwife student as well as another friend who had had the surgery to remove her fibroids. Both women shed light and great insights.

I returned roughly a week later to discuss my decision. During that appointment, my doctor explained a least invasive surgery. This was what I wanted to hear! Finally, an option that both resulted in the safe and effective removal of my fibroids and put me at least risk for future fertility and pregnancy pitfalls. Up until that point, I had been categorized as infertile. My husband was perfectly fine, having taking a test months prior that let him know that “his boys were Olympic level swimmers.” So of course I had to suppress all the emotions and lies that suggested that I was defective, that I was being punished, or that I wasn’t meant to have kids and this was God’s way of saying “shift your focus kiddo.” You know, all that archaic “a woman is only good for having kids and is less of a woman without them,” BS. But like i said, those were all lies, and the same God that could bring life out of a womb plagued by a massive fibroid or allow women to conceive after decades of failed pregnancy attempts could surely bless me. So I declared it and decided to believe that I wasn’t infertile.

Now, if you remember, my doctor recommended Clomid and while I scoffed at the idea, since my goal was to first be fibroid free, I eventually came to accept it. “At least I can have a baby before slicing up my uterus via a more invasive surgery,” I thought, so when I came back and proposed Clomid, she said “No, we’re going to proceed with surgery.”

Here’s why. During this period, she referred me to radiology to get a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). An HSG is a procedure where the radiologist inserts a contrast dye into your uterus to gain a better picture of what all is going on with your “plumbing.” This test typically reveals any nodules, blockages and other abnormalities not otherwise seen on a standard ultrasound. It is also commonly used to check for blocked fallopian tubes (learn more here). Up until this point, I had had 5 ultrasounds, 3 in Bahrain and 2 in Spain. They all said the same thing, “this chick has fibroids,” but they didn’t show us anything else. And since few people know the "why?" behind fibroids, they were treated somewhat matter-of-factly. So in comes HSG with a clearer picture of my uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries.

Now, I’m Ms. “research expert, data analysis, due diligence, go into things ready so you don’t have to get ready.” IN other words, I’m keen to find out what to expect for most procedures and I do my homework before all medical appointments.

Except this one.

For whatever reason, I didn’t really read up on an HSG and what to expect. And maybe that was a good thing, because it was one of THE most painful tests I had ever had. As I lay writhing on the table, I couldn’t help envision myself as a convulsing worm or a torture victim. I wasn’t ready. I remember raising up on the table, shortness of breath, sweating, blanking out and in addition to howling, telling the doctor and tech that I thought I was going to throw up. I wasn’t exaggerating. It was real! The radiologist explained that the pain could have come from the walnut sized fibroid that blocked the catheder-like tube and balloon from filling my uterus with the dye, forcing him to increase volume for a better look at the space. He also said that one of my fallopian tubes was slightly blocked and that I needed to be turned to the side to help get the fluid through.

The OBGYN said “that that’s what it feels like when you go into labor and have those contractions.” And my reaction was written all over my face, I didn’t say a word.

I’m glad I didn’t look up what to expect for an HSG because most of the women on the forums had little to no complaints, and i would have been pissed and anxious if I had been yet another person who felt pain during a procedure that was typically pain free. (meh).

So, based on the results of my HSG, my doctor recommended going forward with the surgery and because they didn’t have the equipment on site for the less aggressive option, I had to choose between waiting for the materials to arrive overseas, which could take months, or having it done out in town at a Spanish hospital. I chose the latter. I was starting a new job, one that would gradually pick up, and the last thing I wanted was to have to break in the middle of my momentum to have and recover from surgery. Thankfully, the alternative procedure would be same-day with a 2-4 day recovery window. But without knowing how long and how many off site appointments I would have to make before the surgery, I just wanted to get it started and out the way.

I had an appointment scheduled for March 12th with the Spanish doctors out in town but I knew that a March surgery would be ambitious. Plus, given the fact that I live in another country and would be relying on their medical system, I had to curb my expectations and be realistic.

So there we were, several weeks later on April 20th sitting in the waiting room.

My supervisors and a handful of Chris’s colleagues were aware that I was slated to have surgery. We didn’t know when, but we anticipated March or April. They called us back to the exam room where I met one of the sweetest doctors. She was thorough, looked at my charts, discussed my medical history and even covered a few other concerns. I was somewhat shocked. It seemed like standard procedure and common sense but we all know that neither are the norms these days. She decided to do an ultrasound.

So I laid on my back. She turned the screen to face me and Chris and that’s when we saw it. The fibroid, which both she and her aide noted was pretty big.

Then she shifted her probe a little and that’s when I got to experience my next and greatest high.

The second time I got high was on April 20th 2018.

There, in my expanding uterus, was a tiny little person with tiny little arms and legs, a big round head and an open mouth. And the most exciting part of it all was that it was dancing and moving around like it was listening to a good song! #happybaby

Yaaas baby, dance!

My little miracle was there on the screen and I couldn’t help myself. I cooed at it, waved and talked to it, and when I laughed, because my whole body moved, it bounced around more. Although I came into the appointment thinking I was 11 weeks, the doctor measured me at 12 weeks and 3 days with an expected delivery date of 30 October (though I think she, because I feel this one is a girl, will come on my birthday in November).

I am in awe and God’s miracles never cease to amaze me! I started the year medically classified as “infertile” and on March 8th, the same week I was scheduled to meet with a doctor out in town for surgery, a positive pregnancy test stared back at me. Six weeks later, I experienced an incomparable bliss as I stared at this life forming and moving within me. I have two hearts in my body and and they grow stronger each day.

4-20 Part 2